Knowledge does not mean Understanding
by Selene467
Summary: In a time when Merlin's magic is outed and accepted -something he never thought possible months ago- Arthur is shown that despite knowing how strong Merlin is, he doesn't fully understand -comprehend- just how powerful he truly is. A dangerous conflict in which Merlin all but sacrifices himself to save everyone else, shows Arthur that there is far more to Merlin than he thought.
1. Prologue

**This started as a rough drabble and is not slowly getting a plotline, but it's slow going. I've started this story on ao3 fanfic site about 4 years ago and today finally uploaded a new chapter, so I thought why not put it up here too.  
Hope you enjoy and please review.**

* * *

It was at that moment that they realized just how powerful Merlin truly was.

They'd known of his magic for a time now, long enough to grow comfortable in its presence. Though it still awed them on almost every single encounter -be it something as simple as starting a fire or something as lethal as sending a sword flying through the air aiming straight at the opponents' heart- Merlin's magic was a part of them now, just as much as Merlin was, for he was no mere servant to any of them. First and foremost, he was their friend.

So no, they were not surprised at Merlin's capable magic nor his eagerness to face danger to protect everyone else. Merlin had told them and showed them what he could do, ranging from simple spells to powerful enchantments and dangerous magics.

Merlin could makes objects float or change shape to be something else entirely -he could control swords and other weapons to fly straight at his opponent or break tree branches as thick as Arthur's head and make them fall on enemies heads. He could conjure fire to threaten and invoke fear or simply to light the dark. He could even control the very heavens and call down lightning upon whomever was stupid enough to cross him.

But Merlin did neither of those things this time. One moment a raging inferno came crashing through the air burning everything in its path and beyond, hellbent on reaching them, engulfing them, destroying them. And Merlin, he simply pushed his way to the front of the group and raised his right hand towards the fire and just as Arthur regained enough sense to realize Merlin's dying predicament -the fool, always sacrificing himself- the fire reached his hand.

Arthur froze, dread filling his body, his mind listening to the agonizing screams of his best friend writhing as the flames engulfed and burned his body- but none of that happened.

Arthur watched in stunned disbelieve -and from the gasps around him he gathered his knights weren't fairing much better- as the raging fire seemed to collide with Merlin's hand as if slamming into a tremendous wall. The flames parted, smoothing to either side and bursting in the new direction it was forced. An almost golden air surrounded them, not so much air as appearing like something solid, like armor only in a gigantic sphere around them.

Merlin was shielding them!

As Arthur watched closer, he saw a fierce determination in Merlin's eyes that he couldn't help but feel proud of. No matter how much magic Merlin had showed him, no matter how much Merlin surprised him day in and day out, no matter what... Merlin never ceased to inspire awe in him.

Suddenly the feeling of awe was quickly crushed as a tremendously strong wave of pure energy -for it could be nothing else- slammed into Arthur and the knights and they found themselves flying backwards, literally, feet of the ground, body thrown through the air and landing in a painful heap quite a distance away.

Despite the pain, Arthur struggled, upwards creaking limbs and all, as panic settled into his stomach. For he knew that magic, felt its desire to protect. Another one of Merlins' quirks, his emotions were so tied to his magic or perhaps the other way around, that those affected by his magic could sometimes feel whatever Merlin was feeling at that time.

Merlin has pushed them back just now, thrown them back and for Merlin to cause harm, any harm to either of them meant that they were in serious danger. Arthur could barely see Merlin as the fire that so eagerly spread away earlier, suddenly encircled him. The golden shield shimmered oddly as if it were growing dimmer.

It was failing! Merlin couldn't hold the shield, the unslaught must be too great.

The dread from earlier revisited Arthurs' stomach, the screams reverberating through his head, pounding on his skull... only this time, this time they weren't imagined.

"MERLIN!"


	2. Without restraint, I now witness

**Starts with Lancelot's point of view of the prologue, then continues the story.  
**

 _ **I forgot to mention that this story is a bit AU only because I've altered some events. Uther is dead thus Arthur is the King, but Lancelot is still alive. Since this is fanfiction I can save characters that died in canon and so I'm deciding Lancelot did not die or he came back, whichever you feel more logical. The point is that he is alive.**_

 _ **Also WARNING: This story will turn a bit more angsty and will deal with torture and suicide attempt and self-hurt. I will of course put a warning on the chapters which have these and I won't go into details about it. However that doesn't mean it cannot trigger memories. So anyone who is sensitive about these subjects or at risk of being triggered, think carefully before you read. I won't go into too severe a detail, but it will still be angsty and possibly triggery.**_

 _ **Those who decide to read anyhow, thank you and I hope you'll enjoy.**_

* * *

Lancelot was one of the first people to witness Merlin's magic. One of the first people who could potentionally end Merlin's life with only a few words. But Merlin was his friend and had stood by him and had done nothing but help others. He had seen Merlin's heart before anything else he discovered about him. So when he bore witness to Merlin's magic all that time ago, he had not felt even a shred of fear of him. Merlin had saved him from what would surely have been his death and he'd done it without a thought for his own safety. If the spell hadn't worked, or Lancelot had not been so kind, or if anyone else has seen!

Over the years he'd been witness to many occassions of Merlin using his magic. Always he'd tried to protect his friend, help him distract Arthur and anyone else who did not know and could not know yet. Every single occassion Lancelot had been in awe about Merlin's magic, his control, his ingenuity. He didn't think Merlin could surprise him anymore with magic, for he'd witnessed so much of it already. How wrong he was.

Merlin's display of magic right here and now had him all but quaking in his boots. Not because he feared Merlin, but simply because of the sheer power that could be felt. He'd known Merlin was powerful and had heard of the prophecy of the druids and had no doubt Merlin was indeed the Emrys they believed him to be. But never had he truly witnessed the power of Emrys, he now realized. Always needing to be careful, always looking over his shoulder, always thinking how best to help yet not draw attention. Merlin had always used his magic with a certain restraint.

That restraint was gone now. His magic known and accepted, Merlin could use it as he needed to its full power and he did not hold back. Lancelot finally saw Merlin, saw Emrys rise in front of him as Merlin braced the inferno without hesitation or a thought for himself. Lancelot's skin crackled with the magic surrounding them and he could feel the heat of the flames as they crashed into Merlin's hand and stopped advancing. His gasp was mirrored by the other knights beside him. If anyone ever had any doubt of Merlin's loyalty, or his courage, Lancelot would wish them to see him standing here now. The look on Merlin's face, that strong determination to stop the flames, to protect those behind him, would even have convinced Uther Pendragon, had he been fortunate enough to witness it.

The next few moments happened so fast Lancelot could barely recognise what was happening. One moment they were standing in awe witnessing Merlin's shield, for that was the only thing he could think to name it, the next he and his fellow knights and Arthur were blown back by a powerful wave of magic. The fierce feeling of protecting accompanied the wave and Lancelot knew it was Merlin's magic. Merlin had all but shoved them back feeling he needed to put more space between himself and them and that could only mean one thing. Merlin couldn't hold the shield!

Lancelot saw, with fear curling in his stomach, as the fire surrounded his friend and the magic shield, the protective bubble started to fade. Merlin screamed then and it was the most horrifying thing he'd ever heard. Merlin in pain was something so unnatural, went against everything they believed. Merlin may be the most powerful of them all, but he invoked a strong desire to protect him in the knights and Arthur.

It was Arthur's scream that broke through his stunned state and soon he found himself and his fellow knights screaming along for what else could they do. They were powerless to do anything and even as Merlin screamed with the flames burning his skin, Lancelot knew he would find the strength to keep them all back, to keep them away from harm even if that meant his own death.

"MERLIN!"

* * *

Merlin blocked out everything that went on around him. His entire focus was on the flames slowly encircling him and his shield flickering in and out of existence unable to bear the toll of the raging inferno. Yet still Merlin kept pushing more of his magic, forcing it from deep inside him, knowing it to be there. Oh it would hurt, terribly so, to push his own boundaries, but he wasn't Emrys for not. He could do this and he would. There was nothing holding him back now, he was free to use his entire strength and he would not fail Arthur now. He'd used this much power before, but even then with Arthur not present or unconscious -free to use his magic to its full extend- there was always a nagging fear, always a barely existent restraint. What if Arthur found him? What if Arthur woke up? It had never happened, but the fear had been there. Now no such fear existed. The only fear Merlin felt was the fear that Arthur would rush forward into the flames and he could not let it happen.

The pain suddenly assaulted him and he knew he had to act soon or he would perish where he stood. Merlin couldn't help his screams from ripping free, and guilt clawed at him knowing how much his screams would hurt his friends. But he couldn't think about them now, couldn't let himself get distracted. The flames burned his skin, his clothing mixing together with his skin. Arthur's scream nearly tore at Merlin's focus, filtering through the silence he'd created around himself. Without a conscious thought Merlin forced part of his magic behind him creating an invisible barrier to keep him back, to keep Arthur from harm. He vaguely heard the knights join Arthur's screams for him but he could not spare them another thought for he could feel his life force slipping away, his muscles weakening, his legs all but buckling beneath him unable to keep his weight much longer. Merlin focused deep inside him. He called upon his magic, felt it wrap itself around him and with a final terrible scream he unleashed what was left of his magic.

The blast that spread through the woods was powerful enough to uproot several trees, sprawl the knights and Arthur flat on the ground the air pushed out of their bodies and pressing into them almost painfully. But it also did what Merlin intended. The flames all but extinguished from the sheer force, Merlin could hear the terrible screeches of the creature that had brought forth the flames. Birdlike body with red eyes, no bigger than a wyvern struggled to get up, screeching and growling. Smoke rose from its skin and the smell of burned flesh was pungent in the air. It still lived, but was unable to do any harm.

Relieve rushed through Merlin at the knowledge that Arthur was safe, that his friends were safe and it seemed that was all the incentive his body needed as he suddenly collapsed and fell face-down into the charred ground beneath him.

* * *

Quiet footsteps walked slowly through the charred remains of the woods. Though not as charred as if fire had passed through, there was still quite some damage to this small part of the woods. Big and small trees lay uprooted on the ground while some others had broken in half. A small patch of the forest floor looked burned, black and lifeless. Upon that patch lay a young man with raven-black hair, face-down and appearing dead. But he knew better. This young man was what he'd never thought he'd ever see in his life. A myth among his people, a bedtime story to sooth or excite children. The great Emrys of prophecy. Who knew such an insignificant looking boy, a servant to a king, was the greatest sorcerer to ever grace the world.

A pitiful cry drew his attention to his right and he looked in disgust upon his wyvern, scraping on the forest floor trying to stand up. It was severely wounded and would not survive much longer. Emrys had surely done him in good. He glanced over to the unconscious knights and their king and as much as he wished to finish Arthur Pendragon, he had something more important in mind. He stepped towards his wyvern and cast a light healing spell. Enough to sustain the creature for now. If he felt like it, he might heal him further when he had the time.

"Kill them, then return to me!" He ordered his beast, before walking over the Emrys and lifting him onto his horse. "Your power is no longer a myth" he whispered to an unconscious Emrys, a smile on his face. "I will have it for myself!"

The wyvern struggled to its feet as its master rode off at a fast pace. Slowly it turned towards the unconscious bodies in the distance and let out a low growl. Kill them, he'd been told. The blood rushing in his head, the wyvern sprang forward intend to do as it was instructed. It leaped forward intending to pounce on the first body and sinking its claws into the soft flesh when suddenly strong jaws enveloped it before it could land and pain tore through its body as whatever had grabbed him, bit down hard. Its body folded in on itself, broken and ripped in half and tumbled on the ground a short distance from the oblivious humans.

Kilgharrah landed looking around but not finding what he was looking for. Arthur was safe as were his knights, but where was Merlin? He'd heard his dragonlord's call, although not meant for him, he'd still heard it. He guessed Merlin had attempted to command the wyvern he'd just killed, but he knew it must not have worked since it tried to kill Arthur. It was a disturbing riddle. Wyvern, though not dragons were descended from dragons. A dragonlord should have no trouble controlling them. Kilgharrah felt the magic in the air, the remains of a terrible battle and he felt Merlin's presence in the magic strongly. But his kin was not here and he could not sense him anywhere. It was as if he'd vanished from his senses.

I will find you, Merlin, my kin. With his vow strong in his heart and mind, Kilgharrah took to the sky once more, intend on finding his missing dragonlord.


	3. Divided Loyalties

**The aftermath of the battle and Merlin is missing.**

* * *

Leon was the first of the knights to awaken and if he'd known what was going to happen, he would have wished he hadn't. The first thing he noted was his surroundings, or rather the destruction around him. Young trees had been completely uprooted from the earth, whereas the older and stronger trees had refused to move and had instead been cut in half leaving only a reasonable stump still stuck in the forest floor. Leon had no doubt this was Merlin's doing whether intentional or not, probably the latter. He had felt that incredible wave of magic and it nearly suffocated him for a moment. There was no doubt in his mind that Merlin's magic had done this and he knew the gentle servant would most likely feel great remorse at the damage he inadvertently had caused. Merlin had a tendency to care too much for the most incredulous things and beings and it more often than not brought confusion and slight frustration to Arthur.

Arthur!

Leon immediately turned around spotting all the other knights still unconscious and finally, there Arthur lay. He had been the closest to Merlin and that realisation made Leon hurry to his king even faster. Leon kneeled down beside his king. He lay on his back with his face slightly turned to the side. His chest rose steadily though and Leon breathed out the relieve he had no idea had been building inside him. "Arthur?" He gently shook him but got no response. "Sire!" A little louder but still nothing. He wasn't too worried though. The others hadn't awoken yet either and considering the blast that had knocked them out, it was to be expected that it might take a while.

Instead Leon quickly checked on his fellow knights and it was then that he noticed for the first time what was wrong. He felt guilt tear at his insides at his inattentiveness. Merlin was nowhere to be found. All he found was a small patch of scorched earth, indented due to a body having lain there, except there was no body now. Merlin could not have left on his own and even if he could have, he'd never leave them behind. If he himself and the knights had been knocked out so severely, Leon was certain Merlin would be in even worse shape having actually cast the magic. Besides he'd seen Merlin collapse before from magic exhaustion, as Gaus had called it. It was both shocking as humbling to witness because it always made him realize, firstly at how powerful Merlin truly was to cast magic strong enough to all but knock him on his ass and secondly, no matter what it did to himself, Merlin always came through, always protected Arthur, Camelot, all of them. That he would go through such great lengths for any of them was one of the most humbling things Leon had ever witnessed.

Further inspection of the area -while still in sight of his unconscious comrades- showed no trace of anything. It was like something snatched Merlin out of thin air. The very real possibility of that made Leon shudder. His gaze momentarily turned towards the broken and bloody carcass a little distance away. The creature was dead, by the gods! it was dead. How though was the strange part. It seemed almost bitten in half, its body collapsed in on itself and blood was everywhere. Whatever had taken its life, Leon surely hoped it wasn't around anymore and wouldn't come back.

An aggravated grumble caught his attention and the lean form of Sir Gwaine started to awkwardly stir. His butt came up first as he leaned on one of his elbows. His other hand immediately grabbed his head and he let out a painful sounding groan. " What the hell got me?" Leon would have laughed at the sight if the situation wasn't as dire. Instead he simply opted to aid Gwaine to his feet. A mumbled thank you was all Gwaine said to Leon before he turned around and observed the area and came upon the horrible realization that Leon had just a short while ago. Merlin was not here.

"Merlin! Merlin?!"

Leon winced inwardly at every shout, not because it was loud and could possibly alert everything and everyone nearby of their presence, but because he knew Gwaine would not get a response. The shouting stopped when Gwaine's eyes found the bloody carcass. The world seemed to freeze for a few moments, before Gwaine walked towards the carcass and kneeled beside it. Before Leon could ponder his fellow knights peculiar fascination with the thing, Gwaine spoke up. "This was a wyvern, I think."

"A what?"

Without looking away from the broken wyvern, Gwaine waved Leon over as he carefully reached out towards a particular nasty piece of flesh that was completely black. "Don't touch that!" Leon had come closer but refused to get within ten feet of the remains. How Gwaine could stand to be so close was beyond him and now he was trying to touch it!? Was he out of his mind?! "It's been burned," Gwaine commented, completely ignoring Leon's warning. He touched the blackened flesh -Leon shouted at Gwaine as he reached foreward to try and stop him but was too late. Gwaine touched the black flesh and immediately it crumbled to dust.

"Wha..what does that mean?" Leon hesitated asking.

"It means Merlin got to it."

Before Leon could even think of what to do next, Gwaine suddenly rushed to his feet and started shouting Merlin's name frantically as he sped across the clearing. Leon noticed the others knights were stirring, probably from Gwaine's shouting, and attempted to gain his erratic friend's attention. "Gwaine! Gwaine stop shouting! He's not here!"

Gwaine abruptly turned around fixing Leon with a terrible glare. "What do you mean? Do you know where he is?!" Gwaine didn't give Leon time to answer as he approached and all but seized the knight by his tunic. "Where is Merlin?!"

Leon shoved Gwaine hard before snapping back. "I don't know where Merlin is." Leon turned away from Gwaine -missing the concern washing over him at the realization that Merlin, his best friend, was missing- and approached the other knights as they struggled to get on their feet.

"Is everyone alright?" It was the first thing Lancelot said as he stood unsteadily on his own two feet, rubbing his head from what must be a terrible headache. Leon intended to answer him but his focus was on Arthur who ahd yet to show any signs of stirring. Lancelot followed his gaze and worry filled his gut. Arthur, their king, was still unconscious and looking rather pale.

"We should take him back to Camelot." Leon announced to his fellow knights. "He may be hurt worse than we thought. He was closest to Merlin afterall."

"We are not leaving here." All the knights turned confusedly to where Gwaine stood, his tone of voice having been close to a threat. "Merlin is missing." It was all he said to explain his reason, but it did was he wanted. Concern showed clearly on the other knights' faces as they looked around the clearing and found no Merlin. They did see the carcass and blanched at the sight. "I'm not leaving here without Merlin."

Leon felt his patience running thin. He so did not have the time for this. "Arthur is hurt and we have no idea where Merlin is or where to start looking. I am the senior knight and I say we are returning to Camelot, now." If Leon had hoped Gwaine would bow to his authority he was horribly mistaken, a mistake he should have seen coming after working with Gwaine for so long.

"To hell with your seniority! I'm not going anywhere!"

"Sir Gwaine! Your duty is to your king!" Leon responded as steadily as he could without letting anger wash over his words. Gwaine glared fiercely at him, his answer clear. No way! "Arthur is priority right now."

"To hell with priority. Merlin is my best friend!"

"Sir Gwaine, you are stepping close to treason!"

"I don't care! I don't care about priority or royalty or my knighthood! I refuse to leave Merlin behind and if you cannot accept that, so be it." Gwaine rested a hand on the hilt of his sword as if he were expecting the need to fight.

"Please, let's calm down before anyone does something they'll regret." Lancelot went unheard as blood rushed through both men's ears, their gazes never leaving the other. Leon took a step closer to Gwaine.

"I understand that Merlin is your friend, but he wouldn't want Arthur's life risked for himself." If Leon thought to placate Gwaine he was mistaken. Before he had the chance to understand why Gwaine looked ready to kill him, said knight had hit him hard before reaching for him again and shoving him against the nearest and largest tree stump left in the near vicinity.

"Don't you DARE use Merlin against me!"

Lancelot and Elyan darted forward before the two knights came even more to blows. As stunned as Leon appeared from the surprise attack, his own temper was clearly visible on his face and shaking body. Lancelot grabbed Gwaine as Elyan forced his ahnds away from Leon. Elyan stationed himself in front of Leon whiel Lancelot dragged Gwaine away who was still shouting at Leon. Lancelot knew how Gwaine felt. He wanted to find Merlin just as badly. He was his first real friend, the same went for Gwaine. Losing Merlin in any way was a pain that could not be described by either of them. But Lancelot also knew that being one of Arthur's closests knights, to be a knight of his round table, that meant more than just protecting Camelot and its king. People looked up to them in more ways than one. If the king was out of commission it was up to them to act accordingly to the code of conduct and as much as it hurt to realize, the king came first.

"Guys! Come here!"

Percival interrupted the raging battle drawing all of their attention when they realized he was kneeled beside Arthur. Leon rushed forward followed closely by Elyan. Lancelot dragged Gwaine along who despite putting up a vision of reluctance was clearly worried if the concern on his face was anything to go by. Percival showed the blood on his fingers as the knights gathered round, then gently turned Arthur's head to reveal the small stone beneath his head. Leon gasped as guilt flooded his very being. how had he not noticed this when he checked on him!

"This is bad. He needs to get to Gaius right away." Silence met Leon's announcement. Everyone straightened up and looked at Gwaine who stubbornly crossed his arms as he tried to hide his worry for Arthur. "Gwaine you must see reason. The situation is most dire now."

"I do understand, but I can't. Merlin is my first priority and last I checked there are five of us. Arthur doens't need five knights to get back to Camelot."

"Gwaine, we can send search parties from Camelot."

"And by then all traces of Merlin will be gone."

"There are not traces to begin with!" Leon snapped angrily.

"Stop, guys. This isn't helping."

"Listen," Lancelot began. "Arthur does need to get to Gaius as soon as possible and it's true that it doens't require all of us to get him there. And Leon, you may not have found any trace of Merlin nearby, but that doens't mean there aren't any. Why don't I stay here with Gwaine and you three get Arthur back to Camelot and send search parties back here to help us find Merlin."

Silence reigned for a moment before Leon agreed. It was better than standing here argueing while Arthur lay wounded on the ground. The three knights quickly readied their horses who had luckily not bolted too far from the clearing and carefully positioned Arthur before Leon on the horse. Leon nodded once to both Lancelot and Gwaine before galloping away flanked by Percival and Elyan.

* * *

 **I don't know if wyverns are common knowledge and I don't remember if the knights all know what one is, but for the sake of the story I'm going with that not everyone knows and as wrong as I may be, in this story Leon doesn't know what a wyvern is.**


	4. The flow of events

**This entire story and this chapter have very back and forth timelines. The story just kinda flows that way and I just badly wanted to write that first scene which took place before the other chapters so I decided to just make it a jumpy story rather than rewrite the entire thing. Despite the first two chapters not being great, they did spawn this story so I want to leave it be.**

 **I hope you enjoy this new chapter.**

* * *

 _one week ago_

Merlin gazed into the shadowed forest surrounding the campsite. Behind him the knights and Arthur were enjoying some good food. Normally Merlin would join them after finishing his other tasks, laugh and banter along with them before turning in for the night.

But not today.

Merlin had felt uneasy for the last two hours, like some oppressing force was pushing at his mind, but he had yet to find anything unusal near or far. The forest was calm, peaceful, without threat.

He'd tried to shake the feeling and to hide it, but he'd surely failed in that. The whole reason Arthur suggested making camp so early was without a doubt because he noticed his unease. Arthur was often perceptive these last few months. Merlin wondered if he'd been oblivious before or if he'd just sharpened his awareness now that his magic was revealed. As if knowing that such a huge secret had been right there under his nose for _years_ , made Arthur suddenly pay more attention.

Merlin cast out his magic over the forest one more time, draping it like a blanket over the surroundings.

There was nothing there. Nothing unusual or currently a potential threat. Nothing at all.

A bump against his arm drew his attention to A'maia, her soft whinny alerting his nearby friends that MErlin had yet to join them. Merlin gently petted Maia's nose as he drew his magic back from the forest.

"Merlin! Are you not yet done?!" Arthur called.

"Coming!" Giving his kind horse a kiss on the head, Merlin finally stepped away from the shadowed forest and sat down beside his best friend. Arthur clapped him on the shoulder as he handed Merlin a bowl of food.

"Here, eat. It's one of Percival's best recipes."

Merlin tasted it as he gestured to Percival as thanks. He received a nod and smile in return. It really was good. He soon noticed all eyes were on him though, so he reluctantly put his bowl down for a second.

"What is it?"

Lancelot was first to speak, probably because he was completely comfortable about anything to do with Merlin's magic, having known for years. "Just wondering if everything is alright. You seemed distracted over there."

"It's nothing, I checked." Merlin reassured them. "I thought something was wrong, but I can't find anything. Probably just imagining things."

"Are you sure?" Arthur asked. At Merlin's confused look he rushed to explain. "Not that I doubt you, Merlin. It's just, I know about your magic, but I don't really _know,_ you know? What you can do, what you, apprently, can feel. If you think something is wrong, don't hesitate to tell me. I will listen."

"Thank you, Arthur. But I have no idea how to explain it. I just sometimes know things, or feel something, but it's not always about here and now. I checked the area and there's nothing to worry about. We're safe here, for now at least."

Elyan hesitantly spoke up. "You...checked the area? You haven't left the camp, so do you mean...?"

"I used magic, yes. It's one of those things I can do."

"Well, if you're sure everything is alright...," Arthur said as Merlin interrupted. "It is."

"Well alright then. In that case I'm turning in cause I'm exhausted. Who's on first watch?"

The evening continued for a while more with soft chatter and teasing before one by one they all turned in except Leon who was on watch first. Merlin allowed himself to relax and fall asleep, unaware of the danger to reach them come morning.

* * *

 _present time_

Arthur looked exhausted. His shoulders were slumped, his head hung tiredly as he leaned over the map on the round table. Guinevere watched him sadly, her heart aching for both his loss as her own. Merlin was no mere servant, he was their friend and perhaps even like a brother to Arthur. The first person other than Morgana and uther to dare speak their mind to Arthur. Merlin had not only spoken up to him, he'd dared him, challenged him and changed him. Merlin had made Arthur a better man who thought before he acted, who cared about all. Without Merlin is felt like a piece of them all was missing. Most of all it was Gaius who suffered the greatest.

Having been alone for so long, Merlin was not only a breath of fresh air, but a troublemaker who forced Gaius to start moving again, to start living. It seemed in no time at all the two had bonded in close friendship and it hadn't taken long for Gaius to view Merlin as close as a son. And now that precious treasure was missing. Gaius still handled his patients, but Gwen had visited him every day since Merlin disappeared and every time she found him staring at the air, lost and lonely once more. He quickly tried to cover it up, but she knew. She could see how much it was tearing him apart. The not-knowing was probably the worst of it.

Having allowed herself a moment to feel the pain of the situation, Guinevere shook of her misery and brandished her role as queen and wife. Stepping into the room she made her way towards her husband. "Arthur, you are exhausted. You should rest." As expected he gave no response continueing to gaze at the map which showed nothing at all. No trace of Merlin.

"I'll rest when Merlin is found and brought safely home."

 _"Are you here to order me out? I won't leave this forest until I find Merlin. Don't think you can order me to abandon my friend!"_

 _"If you would calm yourself for just a minute I will tell you why I'm here."_

 _"Fine, go ahead then."_

 _"I have to consider what's best for Camelot and that means I have to pull back on the search parties. Camelot is left too vulnerable for too long."_

 _"I knew it! You're abandoning him! What if it had been a noble or Gwen?! Would you keep looking for them?"_

 _"Enough, sir Gwaine! Don't ever think I would abandon Merlin. I'm saying I need to cut back, not quite looking all together. In fact I'm here to ask you and Lancelot to continue the search because I trust you will not stop until you find him. I don't have that luxury as King, so I'm counting on you two to find him."_

 _"Oh, right. That's fine then. Of course, I'll accept. You in Lance?"_

 _"Of course I am. Thank you, sire."_

 _"No, thank you, both of you."_

 _"Don't worry, Princess. We'll find him."_

 _"I know you will." Just hope you'll find him alive._

"Arthur?" Startled Arthur looked up into hsi wife's worried eyes. He held her close, kissing her head. "I'm alright, love. They'll find him soon, I trust in that."

* * *

Gwaine and Lancelot leaned against opposite trees as they rested for a little while. Gwaine stared at the cloudless sky, thoughts drawn back to the attack. "That wyvern wans't normal, was it?"

"From what I've heard and Merlin has told me, no. I don't think it was."

"I've seen them before, but this thing...it looked different, ragged and worn. Disgusting really."

"I've never known them to breathe fire before."

"What do you suppose killed it?"

Lancelot looked at Gwaine, confused by his answer. "I thought you believed Merlin had ended its life?"

Gwaine looked down, fiddling with a twig. "The black flesh, it seems like Merlin might have done that. Pushed its fire back at it, perhaps. But Merlin didn't tear it in two. Something else did that."

"If that's true, then something else was there while we were out. Perhaps that something took Merlin!"

"That's what I'm afraid of, Lance."

They fell quiet after that, continueing their search in silence. It wasn't long before they finally found something, or rather something found them. A wave of magic descended upon the area, sweeping both knights off their feet and pinning them to the ground for the few seconds it took for the magic pulse to pass. It faded away in the distance as if it had never been there.

Gwaine and Lancelot turned to each other with wide eyes. They'd felt it! That magic was Merlins' !

"It came from that way! Let's go!"

* * *

one week ago

 _The knights scrambled for cover under the trees as the large beast dove for the camp. Its screech was loud and painful and incredibly close, Arthur realized as it thundered over the camp. It quickly rose higher into the sky and Arthur knew it was just getting itself ready for another dive._

 _"What is that?!" Leon shouted at no one in particular. No one had a chance to answer him before the creature forced them to run for new cover as it dove at them again._

 _Behind his knewest hiding spot, Arthur drew his sword and looked for the creature back high in the sky. How was he going to fight that thing? He was just about to ask Merlin if he could at least get it to the ground, when he noticed his manservant stepping into the middle of the camp, where he was completely exposed!_

 _"Merlin!"_

 _His shout went unheard by the screech of the wyvern turning towards Merlin. Shit! He made to rush his friend but someone restrained him. "Lancelot?! Let me go, what are you doing?!"_

 _"Keeping you out of the way." He looked at Merlin with such confidence, as if he knew their friend could handle this beast. Arthur remembered when he'd met wyverns before and how he'd been lucky enough to avoid them. Perhaps that wasn't just luck after all._

 _Merlin didn't cower, didn't shake. He stood tall and unwavering, staring right back at the beast ready to dive at him. He opened his mouth and the most unusual, intimidating roar emerged that had Arthur stumped. From what little he could make out, it was certainly words, a language Merlin was shouting, but not any language he'd ever heard before._

 _The creature seemed unaffected though, not even bothered by this shouting human. "It's not working!" Lancelot suddenly sped past him and tackled Merlin out of the way of what would have been his death._

 _Merlin scrambled onto his feet watching the wyvern soar high once more. His dragonlord powers had not worked. It shouldn't be possible! Something was wrong here, but he didn't have the time to think about it now. If he couldn't command the wyvern, he'd have to bring it down. He turned to Lancelot, pointing at a nearby spear they'd brought._

 _"Think you can work with that?"_

 _Lancelot grabbed the spear and stepped up beside Merlin. "If you can lend a hand, I can."_

 _The wyvern dived, Lancelot threw the spear and Merlin enchanted the weapon like he'd done so long ago. The wyvern managed to escape death but the spear had ended up grazing its wings badly and it went plummeting to the ground._

 _The knights approached warily with their swords ready as the wyvern thrashed on the ground. It got back onto its feet, blood dripping freely from its injured wing. Merlin watched it closely as he snapped its powerful jaws at the knights. When it pulled back though, Merlin recognized the movements it made, but it shouldn't be possible._

 _Not taking any chances though, he rushed ahead of the knights summoning all his magic just in time as the fire spewed forth from the wyvern._


	5. To Bear The Chains of Truth

_Wow, did not expect this chapter to get this big. It's longer than my previous 4 chapters combined! I hope you'll enjoy it. There are a few non-english sentences, translations are at the end so as not to spoil anything._

 ** _Chapter warning: Some minor, short torture scenes but nothing graphic. Mostly just mentioning what was done to Merlin and Merlin describgin some of his pain. Most of it requires your imagination._**

* * *

Merlin awoke slowly as soft dripping noises lulled him back to consciousness. As awareness returned to him, so did the pain. His shoulders and wrists burst into pain and it was rapidly increasing the more aware he became of himself. He started to move but found his hands and arms reisting his every effort. It didn't take him long to figure out why. He was bound by his hands above him and his feet barely scraped the ground.

Merlin finally found the strength to open his eyes but it didn't improve much. He was still in the dark and a cold chill crept up his spine. While his eyes adjusted to the dark, Merlin tried to determine what this place was. Despite the pain it would inflict, he swung his body forwards to try and see how much open space there was around him. His feet touched nothing so he used his momentum to swing himself backwards instead. This hurt quite a bit more and he had to bite his lip to keep from crying out in pain. His efforts were rewarded as his feet touched upon solidness behind him, possibly some sort of wall from the feel of it.

His energy -what little of it he'd had- now spend, Merlin collapsed in his bonds appearing like a limp ragdoll. Though it hurt to lean so heavily upon his bound arms, he was becoming fast accustomed to the pain and he had little choice in the matter as he had not the strength to keep himself up.

"Giving up already?" Merlin started at the sudden voice after the long silence. Peering into the darkness ahead he could faintly make out a tall shape. "I had honestly expected more from the great Emrys of legend."

"Who are you?"

This person knew his true identity. Merlin worried what else this man knew about him. Light blinded Merlin as the torches along the wall burst to life in flame. Finally he could see where he was. In front of him, separating him from his captor, were bars like a prison or dungeon cell. Smooth stone could be seen beyond the bars, cut into precise blocks the likes you see in castle hallways.

The abandoned castle to the east!

The man stepped into the light then, a smile on his face that unnerved Merlin.

"I've been looking for a new subject for a while. Imagine my surprise when I found _you_."

Merlin swallowed past the lump in his throat as he tried to diffuse the tension, throw his captor for a loop with humor. "I'm not really that hard to find. I'm quite well known around Camelot. You can find me in the stables or the kitchen, I've even been known to visit the tavern on too often an occassion."

The unknown man seemed unaffected by his rambling, staring at him like a predator would its prey. He reached out with his hand as he inched closer, stretching it out towards his face as if he meant to smother him. A heavy, oppressing force of magic surged to life around him making Merlin feel ill.

Merlin shook in his chains as he tried to back away, but it was futile in his position. He couldn't touch any surface to gain grip and the more he moved, the worse the pain in his arms and wrists got. " Please don't." It was desperate, to plead for mercy, but it was all he had left.

The hand touched his face and Merlin knew only pain the likes he'd never known before and the sound of his own screams.

* * *

 _months ago_

Gwaine stared at the dejected form of his best friend sitting on the ground nearby. All the cheer had gone out of him, and who could blame him. One mistake and suddenly all his friends turned away form him. Be it disgust, fear or betrayal.

Oh how Gwaine wished he could give them all a good beating! So _what_ if Merlin had magic! He was still Merlin, still the same protective and stubborn iddiot, they'd always joked around with. They acted as if the mere mention of having magic turned you evil. There was not a single evil bone in Merlin's body.

It was then he noticed Lancelot returning and walked up to meet him. " How is Merlin doing?"

"The same. And over there?"

Lancelot shifted uneasily. "Quiet, tense. It's like the're not sure yet how to react so they don't. They just stand around or pace around the camp while Arthur sits there."

Gwaine watched Lancelot's worried gazes towards Merlin. It was easy to see how much he cared for Merlin. The two were close friends, having bonded easily much like Gwaine had as well. Merlin just had something that made him instantly likeable. He didn't share with anyone that his father had been a knight, but with Merlin he'd fairly quickly given up that secret. And Lancelot had kept Merlin's secret without hesitation when he could have used that information to potentially get himself a knighthood. Lancelot was a good guy in Gwaine's book.

"How long have you known?"

Lancelot turned towards Gwaine understanding what he was asking as the man looked at his despairing friend. "Since my first time in Camelot. He saved me from a Griffin, tried to fake a knighthood for me and in the end we fought and killed the Griffin together."

"Yeah that sounds like Merlin. I helped him save Arthur from assassins disguised as melee fighters. Then Uther banned me a second time and I really had to leave."

"He's injured." Lancelot noticed. Gwaine showed him the bandages he'd been preparing. "I've got it. Will you keep an eye on things while I tend to him?"

"Of course." Lancelot didn't immediately leave to check on things at the main camp, his body language revealing a sudden wariness that had Gwaine huffing at him in annoyance.

"I'm not going to hurt Merlin."

"I know that. It's just, you are taking this really well. The magic thing, I mean."

Gwaine sighed, knowing he would have to explain a little more than a simple I trust Merlin or he's my friend, enough said. " I've crossed paths with magic a few times. Not all of those times turned out to be bad. I don't believe magic is evil. It all depends on the person who wields it, much like a sword or any other weapon. Besides, I always knew there was something different about Merlin, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Now I know and it sure does explain _a lot._ "

Lancelot chuckled softly at that. " You're a good friend, Gwaine."

"So are you."

Lancelot left to check on Arthur and the others, allowing Gwaine to settle before Merlin, gently dabbing at his wounds with what little medical supplies his friend had brought along.

"Why are you doing this?" Gwaine pulled back abruptly, started by Merlin's voice when he'd been so dejected before. For that matter, he didn't sound any better out loud than silent. Miserable came to mind.

Trying to stay as cheerful as the situation allowed, he continued his gentle care as he answered his friend. "Because if I don't your cuts will get infected and Gaius will get very cross with me. He already thinks I'm a bad influence on you." Gwaine chuckled at his own joke, trying to bring back his cheerful, teasing friend despite knowing it was futile.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know."

"You shouldn't be here."

"Why is that?"

"I have magic."

"Is that code for something bad?"

"I could hurt you."

Gwaine stopped his ministrations on Merlin's cuts and ducked his own head to make eye contact with his friend. " Are you going to?"

"Of course not!"

"Have you ever tried to harm me?"

"No!"

With a smile on his face he sat straight and continued his healer duty. "Then I've got nothing to worry about."

Merlin wouldn't let it go so easily apparently and Gwaine was glad to see some fight back in him. "You're a knight of Camelot. You should be with Arthur, both of you in fact. Instead you basically mutineed and for what?!"

Gwaine gently grabebd Merlin's chin to make him look at him. "For you. You are our friend. Arthur turned his back on you after years of service and friendship, and I'm fairly certain you've also protected him from attempts on his life numerous times. If turning my back on someone that kind and good is what it takes to be a knight of Camelot, then I'm done with that. I don't abandon my friends."

"But...I have _magic_."

"So you've said."

"Why are you not bothered by that?"

" Why should I? It doesn't change who you are. Lancelot doesn't think so and he's known for years."

Merlin looked away then, the fight completely out of him once more. It broke Gwaine's heart to see him like that.

"I betrayed him, Gwaine."

"Betrayal is a strong word. So you kept a secret from him, who doesn't sometimes. If Arthur is even half the man _you_ believe him to be, he'll come round and so should the rest of them."

Merlin stood up suddenly and Gwaine let him, even though it felt like Merlin was creating a distance between them. As if he were pulling away. "Thank you, but...I'm not worth the effort. I'm not as good a person as you think I am. I've done things, terrible things."

Merlin sounded on the verge of tearing up. Whatever he'd supposedly done, wieght heavily on his conscience. Gwaine wondered how long he'd been carrying _whatever it was_ he was carrying.

"I don't believe you're a bad person. We're human and sometimes we get into situations where we don't have a lot of options and that means doing things we normally wouldn't do. That doesn't mean we're all bad. Did you enjoy doing those terrible things?"

"I hated it. I hate myself for it."

Gwaine walked over to Merlin, needing to close this distance that irrationally felt as if Merlin was disappearing. He gently took hold of his shoulders, looking him straight in the eyes again. "Then you're a good person who had no other way out, thus you did the only thing you could. I _saw_ you, Merlin. I saw how desperately you were trying to save Arthur and how you held no regard for your own safety at all. You protected him at all cost. If I hadn't been keeping an eye on you during the fight, you wouldn't be here now."

Merlin released a deep breath, allowing some tension out of his body. "What am I supposed to do?"

"We'll figure it out together."

They were interrupted then by Lancelot running towards them, clearly alarmed.

"They need help! The bandits found us again and brought friends!"

Merlin was away before Lancelot had completely finished speaking. Arthur needed him.

* * *

The sorcerer slammed into the bars as Merlin's magic pushed him away. He looked stunned but it only lasted for a moment. Eagerly he hurried forward, grabbing Merlin by the chin and staring at him with awe.

"You are very strong, aren't you." He turned his head this way and that as if inspecting lifestock. Merlin shook his head free and spit in his face. The returning fist to the face was expected, but it didn't lessen the pain. "Stubborn too. You can resist all you want, but I will have your magic, even if I have to rip it out of you."

"I hope you didn't plan on too much time. I've got people out looking for me and they're not afraid of a sorcerer like you!"

His captor started laughing, turning to face Merlin holding a knife. The knife should have been what he feared, but it was the laughing that got to Merlin. It didn't sound right, like the man had no control, no rationality. He was mad!

"Find you?! You honestly think I would take you and leave witnesses behind?!" Merlin's blood ran cold. No! No it wasn't true. It couldn't be true! "No one is coming for you, _Emrys_."

While laughing away still, he brought the knife down on Merlin's body.

* * *

 _months ago_

"Finally, there you are!"

Gaius enveloped MErlin in a hug before holding him at arms length to look him over. His old but wise eyes implored Merlin to explain. "You arrived hours ago! You and sir Leon were bleeding on my doorstep, form the exact same wound I may add! And then before I know it, Arthur whisks you all away for an emergency council, against my medical advisement!"

Merlin tried to get a word in but Gaius suddenly paled and pushed him to sit down on the cot, checking his eyes, ears, heart beat... "How are you feeling, my boy? You and Leon were far from fully healed. I should call him back too."

Merlin took hold of Gaius' hands to halt him. "Sir Leon went to lay down in his room. He's resting. And I am fine too. You know I heal fast once I'm out of danger."

Gaius set down opposite Merlin, sensing something important coming. Merlin stared at his hands in his lap, as if trying to find the words. It worried Gaius only more.

"They know."

Hesistantly, Gaius copied his words, trying to make sense of them, to find the hidden meaning behind them. "They know?"

Merlin looked up, straight into Gaius' eyes holding him in place. "They _know._ " His eyes flashed golden for a moment, but Gaius understood. He got the message and he paled considerably as he got up and paced around the small room.

"They know. Arthur knows. The knights?" Merlin nodded. "How did this happen? Where do we stand? Is this why Arthur called the meeting?"

"Yes, he wanted to discuss...well everything."

"Discuss? He's not...?"

"No! No, he's not going to do that. Nor is he sending me away."

"Arthur is allowing your magic?"

Merlin stood up himself, still reeling from everything that had happened that day. He could see the sun slowly dipping lower through the window. Had it really only been a day?

"I can't...I don't fully understand. Things went wrong, so very wrong for a moment. Arthur...I think he hated me for a while. But then Leon got hurt and I saved him, because they knew already. Not much more I could do to make it worse."

Gaius stopped his frantic pacing, sitting his ward down. "You didn't heal Leon, did you?"

Guiltily Merlin looked away, but Gaius wouldn't let him. Instead he hugged him, tight. "I'm sorry, Gaius. I couldn't let him die. I had to try something."

"You risked your life so many times. I can't begin to describe how proud you always make me, Merlin. I just wish you would take a little more care about yourself too, please."

"I'm sorry, I will. I promise."

Gaius grabbed the wine on the table he'd left earlier and poured some for both of them. "So tell me, Arthur took it badly..?"

" At first yes. But then it changed and he _listened!_ I don't know if he'll forgive me for lying all this time, but he listened to everyone. There was a discussion and then a vote."

"A vote?"

Merlin's smile was bright and big when he finally revealed the big news.

"We're free, Gaius. Magic, it's finally free."

* * *

"Why is this not working!?"

Loud noises woke Merlin from his blissful unconsciousness. The sorcerer was facing away from him, breathing heavily and muttering angrily. The table he'd brought in with his tools lay broken at the far left wall, his instruments scattered across the cell floor.

Merlin tried to move as little as possible, both so as not to attract his attention and because he hurt! There wasn't a part of him that wasn't hurting. He'd been beaten, cut, stabbed, burned, even had a few bones broken with magic. That was all on the side of the main course. Trying to steal his magic. Trying to suck it out of him as if it wasn't intricately a part of him.

 _"I've weakened you, beaten you. I control you. Why won't it work?! Why won't you give me your magic."_ The deranged man flung a knife across the cell as he shouted at nothing. "WHY WON'T YOU GIVE ME YOUR MAGIC!"

It was dangerous, but Merlin had to try and talk to him. He seemed to calm down during conversations. If was more afraid of the man muttering and raging to himself. Besides, there was something Merlin wanted to know. If he was a captive anyway, might as well make it worth his time. He internally chuckled at his own expense, ignoring the voice of Gaius in his head warning him of shock and delirium from torture.

"The wyvern..." Merlin struggled to speak, his mouth too dry and raw from screaming.

"Ah, look who's awake. What was that now?"

"The wyvv..ern...what did you..do?"

"What an odd thing to ask me. Surely you're more interested in who I am, why I'm doing this, where you are?" Merlin didn't repeat himself, waiting the man out. He barely had any energy left to speak. "Very odd."

"It wasn..n...wasn't normal. It d.. 't listen."

Curious, his captor stepped closer. Gone was the madness now that he had a target to focus on again. "What do you mean? You think it didn't obey me? You think I didn't intend to attack you?" A smile as he tugged on Merlin's body, causing his restraints to pull painfully on his wrists and arms. "True, I didn't order it to find you or your friends. It happened upon you, but it was ordered to get anyone with magic. Although it went a little overboard with you. Guess you did something to offend it."

Chuckling, he pushed Merlin causing him to swing painfully from his bound hands and paced the cell thoughtfully. Merlin tried not to cry out, not wanting to give the bastard the satisfaction. He turned around still smiling and just stared at Merlin. It was like watching the pins fall into place on a map and too late now, Merlin realised his mistake.

"That is not what you meant. No...you meant yourself." Intrigued he walked back up to Merlin holding him steady and staring into his pinched eyes. "Now why would you ever think a creature like that would obey you? Who are you, beside Emrys?"

"No...one."

"Wyvern, wyvern, wild, ferocious..." He stopped talking and turned almost gleeful eyes on Merlin. "Distantly related to, DRAGONS!" With a shout of joy, he pushed away form Merlin, ignorant of the pain the movement inflicted or possibly intending it, and almost skipped across his cell before turning around and half forward, hands clapped together stared at Merlin.

"You are a dragonlord! Hahaha, you are an actual DRAGONLORD! I've got not only Emrys of legend but the very last Dragonlord as well. You are just full of surprises!"

A quick spell later and the table and its instruments were back to order. "This changes everything. If I cannot steal your magic, well then I'll just have to settle for your soul."

Merlin squirmed to the apparent glee of his captor. He'd heard rumors of such dark magic, but he'd never seen it. But the stories were horrifying enough. Not only did it do irreparable damage to the mind, but without a soul you were nothing, no one. Just a husk, an empty vessel without will, without a mind of its own...like a wyvern who couldn't obey a dragonlords' command!

"Figured it out have you. Yes, I destroyed the beast by ripping out its soul. It was bound to me and me alone. Without a will of its own, you cannot _bend_ it to your own use. Of course a simple wyvern wouldn't be much of a threat, so I dabbled a little and experimented until it could breathe fire. Now that sounds like something much more useful, don't you think?"

 _Gaius, I'm so sorry. Arthur, everyone...I don't think I can get out of this one._

* * *

 _months ago_

Merlin stood rooted to the forest floor a second time that day. He watched Gwaine try to help Arthur up, but he pulled away. "Don't touch me, traitor."

"Traitor? Oh you really a prissy princess aren't you?"

"You sided with _him_!"

"I protected _Merlin!_ You know your longtime servant and _friend!_ "

"Friends don't lie to each other for years!"

"They do if it keeps them alive!"

"My father hasn't been king in a long time. He can't be a threat from the grave and not once has _Merlin_ come forth about his magic. Not once has he trusted in me!"

"With good reason seeing as how you're acting right now."

"I don't know who that is anymore."

"I'm willing to jog your memory with the butt of my sword."

Lancelot stepped in between the two furious men, pushing them far apart. "Enough. We don't have time for this. Leon's been hurt."

The knight in question leaned against a tree trying to wave off a worrying Elyan at his side. "I'm fine."

"You are not fine, Leon. you're still bleeding. A lot."

Leon would have slit down the tree if it weren't for Percival. He gently lowered him to the ground as Lancelot and Arthur rushed to their side.

"This looks bad."

"Will he make it back to Camelot?"

"Not at the rate he's bleeding at, sire."

Merlin watched them fussing over Leon and it was like air rushed back into his whole body. He found he could move again and rather than agonise over Arthur's word, he felt determined. Determined to save his friend, even if he decided he no longer was Merlin's friend.

He ran over, pushed between Arthur and Elyan, ignoring their outcries to get back, and dropped beside Leon. The wound was indeed bad and it so happened that healing magic was not his strong point. But magic was capable of more.

"Stop!"

Arthur grabbed Merlin's outstretched wrist hovering over the wound. His eyes bore into Merlins' but there was uncertainty there. There was no such hesitance in Merlin, not anymore.

"I can save him."

He stared Arthur down, refusing to show weakness, refusing to back down. Whatever Arthur would do after all this was done, he was fine with it. But he would not let his friend die just because Arthur didn't trust him anymore.

Reluctantly Arthur released Merlin ,but his hand moved to the hilt of his sword. A warning, if nothing else. It broke something within Merlin, but he pushed it away as he focussed on saving Leon. He felt a familar warmth rise through his body as he summoned his magic. He focussed on the familar words, twisting them just right to achieve what he needed. The warmth settled behind his eyes which would glow golden as proof for all to witness. Merlin ignored everything around him except for Leon and his bleeding wound.

 _"Asettan bufan ic, forlætan ic dæl se byrþen þon wit ba cunnan leofian."_

The magic surged through him and into Leon, connecting them, doing as it was asked. Merlin felt the pain increase in his side but he wouldn't stop until he took enough. He would not let Leon die. He would not let anyone else die. Whatever pain he suffered, he deserved, he argued internally.

 _Please don't die!_

* * *

Merlin's body was on fire, not literally but it sure felt like it. His head was under immense pressure as if his brain was trying to squeaze out of his skull and all the while his magic buzzed around him and _inside_ him. He seized badly, his body trying to shake itself away from the source of his pain, but he was like a useless sack hung up from the ceiling. There was no getting away and it was only getting worse.

"There it is, hold still now."

The fire left his limbs and gathered in his chest. Merlin couldn't stop himself crying out in pain when the pressur ein his head became unbearable. Tears slipped out of his eyes as his vision grew blurred and the walls around him began to move in strange motions, as if they were made of water. And his magic, if it could have an emotion, it was surely furious. It struck out at random, hitting the table, the wall, the bars...trying to hit him but always missing.

"Yes, I've got it now!"

Everything he was feeling suddenly multiplied by ten and a feeling of such violation ripped through him, Merlin actually wished he could die, right there and now, _anything_ to make it stop!

 _don't stop let me go stop stop stop nooooo!_

Merlin's magic exploded out of him with such force it made Merlin himself scream in agony. The sorcerer was blown away from him and the castle shook around them. In mere seconds the walls began to crumble and fold. The castle was coming down on them, but Merlin didn't care. At least the pain had stopped.

What did scare him was his inability to feel his own body or his magic, but only for a moment because the darkness beckoned and Merlin didn't fight it anymore. He closed his eyes embracing it as the castle came down on them both full force.

* * *

 _months ago_

Everyone was gathered around the round table, staring awkwardly at each other, not sure what was going to happen, what Arthur had planned. Merlin stood awkwardly off to the side, not daring to sit down in his chair by Arthur's side. He wasn't sure it belonged to him anymore. Arthur hadn't said anything about Merlin standing at the back. That was proof enough for Merlin.

"I've called you all here because you are my most trusted knights and I want, need your opinions. I value your views on the matter."

Gwaine was clearly still feeling defensive if his glances toward him were anything to go by. "And what matter would that be, princess?" His voice was sharp, accusing and although Merlin appreciated the gesture, he felt it wasn't a good way to start this discussion, if that's what it was.

Arthur didn't look at Gwaine specifically, sweeping his eyes all across the table. "The matter of Merlin's magic and what to do about it." Merlin tensed despite himself, fear creeping at the back of his mind. Arthur had allowed him to heal Leon, had seen magic wasn't all bad. Surely he wouldn't?

Before Merlin could worry more, Gwaine exploded at the table, standing up and pointing an accusing finger at Arthur. "You brought us here to vote on executing Merlin!" His other hand grabbed the hilt of his sword bringing everyone to alertness. "You're mad if you think I'll let that happen!"

Merlin stepped closer to the table ready to stop Gwaine if he had to. No matter what had happened or would still happen, no one would hurt Arthur. If Arthur wanted him dead after all, Merlin was ready to accept that.

"Sit your ass down, sir Gwaine! No one is killing Merlin."

Merlin started at that, his eyes seeking Arthurs' but he was staring down Gwaine. Gwaine for his part looked completely taken aback, hand still on his hilt but barely holding it. "What? Then what are we here to discuss?"

"Sit down and I will tell you. And that goes for you too, Merlin." Finally Arthur looked at him, his eyes no longer accusing or angry. He put his hand on the back of Merlin's chair as if inviting him. "Come, sit. This matter involves you greatly. You should have a say in it as well."

Confused and somewhat wary, Merlin took his place once more. Gwaine too sat down questioning eyes on Arthur.

"Alright then. I'll just throw it out there." Arthur took a deep breath which did nothing to quell Merlin's nerves. "I want your opionions on legalising magic."

Merlin's mouth fell open without his consent as he gaped at Arthur. Surely he had heard wrong. Or he was dreaming. This wasn't reality, surely not!

"Are you serious, Arthur?" Leon questioned, awe in his voice. None of them seemed to be comprehending what Arthur had just announced.

"I'm very serious about this and I want honest opionions, be they for or against it. This is now a safe place to discuss this with no accussations or threats or otherwise. I expect you are all capable of this?"

All heads nodded their agreement until all eyes were on Merlin who had yet to say anything. Merlin was almost afraid to meet Arthur's eyes, but he wasn't the most powerful sorcerer for nothing. "You've gone mad."

It wasn't exactly what he'd meant to say but it was too late now. The tension almost visibly reduced in the room as smiles and chuckles went around the table. Arthur too smiled, at him. "I assure you Merlin, I've not gone mad and unless you did something I'm fairly certain I'm under no enchantments. I've had time to think about this on the way back to Camelot and I used that time well."

"You are actually serious about this? Arthur, do you know what you are doing?!"

"I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago, had I not been turned against magic so vehemently. We are discussing this, now or do you not desire to be free?"

"That's not fair. You know I want to, but I'm not sure if I should be. I don't know if this is the time."

"That's why we're here, to decide that, together."

Turning to his knights, Arthur adressed the entire council. "Share your opinions, don't hide anything even if it might hurt someone. We need to see all sides to this."

Everyone shifted nervously, but Lancelot cleared his throat first. He looked at Merlin before he adressed the entire table. "I've seen Merlin do magic many times and never was it to hurt Camelot or its king. He's only ever tried to protect everyone around him.  
He saved my life back when we first met. I do not believe magic is evil."

Leon went next. "I used to think magic was all evil. It sure has attacked Camelot enough times during the time I've been here and that's quite a while. But now...you saved my life, Merlin." Leon looked right at Merlin as he continued. "You used magic to save me. I would be dead had you not done so or had you not had magic in the first place. I'm not saying I suddenly trust in it or believe in it, but I can no longer say all magic is evil. Because I've been witness to good magic too."

Merlin almost teared up. He'd never had a very strong bond with Leon, but they were on good terms. Now here he was, saying that Merlin had changed his views on magic when he'd been a strong supporter against magic for so many years. Surely it couldn't be this easy? Where was the anger, the disgust, the fear? Why were they all so calm sitting so near to him?!

"I agree that magic has attacked Camelot often and it scares me still." Elyan crossed his arms as he sat back thinking it over. "I honestly don't know what would be best. If you were to free magic, would it not make it easier to attack us?"

"A fair point, Elyan." Arthur turned to look at Percival then. "What of you, sir Percival? Any thoughts?"

Percival was a man of few words and even now he remained silent as he turned to look at Merlin, then Lancelot. "I think Merlin should be free. Whatever comes for Camelot we fight it together."

"You are all mad!" Merlin stood up unable to take this anymore. He couldn't even explain why he himself was so opposed to it. Perhaps he had gone mad himself, or you are afraid a voice whispered in the back of his mind. "So you see me heal Leon and suddenly you all change your minds?! You've raged and hated magic but that suddenly goes away!? Why is no one afraid of me?! Why are you all just sitting there accepting me!"

Merlin wasn't even aware of moving away until Arthur's hand grabbed hold of him. "Let me go!"

"No, you need to breathe Merlin."

 _Breathe? What was he talking about?_

"Breathe Merlin!"

His body folded in on himself, but Arthur caught him before he could get hurt worse than he still was. Gaius would not be happy to see him come back worse. He pushed at Arthur, trying to make him let go, but he didn't. He just held on stronger.

"You're alright, Merlin. It's alright. You're just scared, overwhelmed. Just breathe."

The other knights gathered around them, all sitting down as if to make themselves smaller. Merlin just shook as tears refused to stay back. "Why?" It was the only thing he could bring out, but Arthur seemed to understand.

"Because as someone reminded me not so long ago. you are my friend and you've always protected me. I was hurt and angry but I never hated you, Merlin. And now that I've thought about it, I don't believe magic should be punished. There's been enough death in Camelot. I cannot bear to watch my best friend die."

"Best friend?"

"Yes, you clotpole. My best friend."

"That's my word."

And just like that the tension evaporated and they all chuckled. Merlin dried his face, suddenly very aware of how he must look. Arthur clapped him on the shoulder like he always used to do.

"What do you say, then? Let's build the Camelot we both want."

Merlin looked at all the knights still sitting on the ground beside them, all smiling, encouraging this plan. "Are you all sure?"

"Of course."

"Definitely."

"Yes."

"I agree."

"Yes."

Merlin looked at Arthur as he took a deep breath. "Then I guess we're really doing this?"

"We are. All of us, together."

"FOR CAMELOT! FOR THE KING! FOR MERLIN!"

* * *

Kilgarrah saw the debris in the distance. The castle that once stood there completely crumbled to the ground. Rain pelted down as he landed in the middle of the ruin. He'd sensed Merlin's magic as it expanded across the land. Such a powerful outburst rarely happened and it greatly worried him.

Magic fizzled around the area, disturbed, wild, unfocussed. Something terrible had happened. "Merlin! Speak, warlock!"

He heard something nearby and as he pushed a big piece of debris aside, he saw him. Hands still in chains, shivering on the ground all curled up. He seemed to be muttering senseless words and drenched form the rain, causing blood to seep like rivers across his body.

Kilgarrah couldn't stop a soft roar from escaping as he stood witness to the injustice done to his kin. Merlin cowered at the noise, scrambling back in a hurry ignorant of his wounds.

"Merlin, I am here."

"No, no, don't...leave me...let me go..!"

"I will not hurt you, friend."

Merlin was unresponsive to his words, almost as if he didn't recognise him. Kilgarrah took a step closer, but it was the wrong thing to do. Merlin's eyes glowed golden faster than he'd ever seen and he yelled at him in a most familiar voice.

"Ασε με! Φύγε μακριά μου! Πηγαίνω!"

Forced to obey the command of a dragonlord, Kilgarrah flew away while roaring on the inside. It was useless to try and fight the command though. As it always had been, dragon had to obey and there was no getting around it.

* * *

 _months ago_

"Arthur!"

The cry of alarm drew Gwaine's attention to Merlin. His friend was trying to get to Arthur but bandits were all over the place. Gwaine rushed after him before he got himself killed. Reckless idiot always rushing in after Arthur.

He lost sight of Merlin for a moment when a rather large man blocked his path. He used his speed to rush him, knocking him out from behind. Turning around, Gwaine tried to find Merlin. "No!"

"Merlin!"

Gwaine ran towards his friend dodging around another bandit, eyes set only on Arthur. Blind to his own surrondings or possibly not caring about himself, Merlin never saw a different bandit come up behind him. He threw his arms around Merlin, holding him in a choke hold.

In the distance Arthur struggled in his fight, but Gwaine would never get there in time. The others were closer. Neither him nor Merlin would make it in time. Merlin did not seem to care about that detail as he struggle din the choke hold. He clawed at the bandit's arms and tried to kick him with his thin legs.

Just as Gwaine came up behind them, something burst forward from Merlin. A wave of energy that sped towards Arthur. It knocked into his opponent throwing him through the air as if he weight nothing.

Gwaine knocked out the bandit holding Merlin and his friend collapsed on the ground taking gasping breaths. Gwaine just stood there not sure what just happened, but Arthur seemed to know. He stared at Merlin with wide eyes, so did the others now that all the bandits were gone. The few who had been left standing had turned tail when Merlin used magic.

Magic!

Merlin had used magic!

Gwaine was stunned but also impressed. Only Merlin would get away with hiding magic right under Uther's nose. His amusement was shattered when Arthur made a move towards Merlin, sword raised. Gwaine didn't think, he just stepped in front of Merlin his own sword lowered but at the ready if need be.

"Easy there, princess."

"He's a sorcerer!"

"He's Merlin!"

Arthur was shaking, whether with anger, fear or a little bit of everything, Gwain couldn't tell. But in his state, there was no way Gwaine would let him near Merlin.

Merlin who still sat on the ground, unmoving. Not pleading for his life, runnign away or even trying to explain. Like he'd accepted his fate. Like he'd given up.

Movement to his left, had Gwaine raising his sword in defence of his friend. "Easy, I would never hurt Merlin. But we should get him out of here."

Lancelot seemed unsurprised by all of this and that's when it hit Gwaine. Lancelot had known! That's why they always seemed to have this secret communication between them. The others crowded around Arthur and Gwaine saw it for what it was. A clear chosing of sides. Fine then, Lancelot and himself would keep Merlin safe.

"Let's get some distance."

* * *

Merlin felt his body move sluggishly without his consent. Afraid, he tried to pull himself the other way, but his body wouldn't listen. He could make out a voice though, far away. "Easy, girl. Just calm down. It's only Merlin."

The voice was familiar, that much Merlin could remember. He tried to open his eyes to see who belonged to the voice. He only partly succeeded, but it was enough to see Lancelot and Gwaine trying to calm down a horse, a horse he was sitting on. That's what he'd felt. The horse was moving on the spot, it was nervous Merlin sensed.

"Come now, A'maia. Everything is alright."

A'maia. His own horse. He recognised her now by her energy and the strand of white hair near her shoulder standing out ever so much against her black coat.

 _Merlin whispered to A'maia as he gently stroked her nose. She settled down, allowing Merlin to fix her mane that had gotten into disarray. She had two strands of white hair, one right behind her ear, the other near her shoulder. Signs of her true heritage since the rest of her was pitch black._

 _Gedref had given her to him, said he'd found her in the forest. The offspring of a wild horse and a unicorn, most unusal. He'd said she was meant for Emrys. He'd humbly accpted her after she accepted him._

 _"Is that magic too?"_

 _Merlin looked up to see Arthur coming closer, hesitantly almost. As if unsure if he were intruding on something. "Not exactly. It's not an enchantment, I'm talking to her."_

 _"Didn't sound like talking to me."_

 _"Just because you don't understand the words, doesn't mean it's not a language."_

Merlin gently grabbed the white strand of hair at A'maia's shoulder as he shushed her. "Sshh...sefte."

A'maia calmed down when she heard his voice, allowing Lancelot to get up behind Merlin, Gwaine flanking them.

"Let's go home."

* * *

 _\- Rough translation of spell: "Transfer unto me, let me share the burden so we both may live."_  
 _\- Rough translation of Dragonlord Command: "Leave me! Get away from me! Go!"_  
 _\- Sefte = Easy._

 _\- Gwaine got an unintentional spotlight during this chapter. At some points he may be slightly ooc, but he's capable of deep kindness and wisdom. It's just often overshadowed by his teasing, sometimes reckless and carefree behaviour. And we all know how loyal Gwaine is to Merlin._

 _\- Apologies if the scene with Gaius was bad. Gaius is a great character but I do not do his character justice, at least it didn't feel like it. He was a bit hard to write._


End file.
